Sooo it's the weekend.

On Friday, I got a nice paycheck to motivate me at the end of a veryyy long week. Then some hilarity ensued at the end of my camp day when we (the 2/3 counselors) cuffed and kidnapped one of our other counselors because he made up a lame excuse for not coming to dinner with us. Speaking of dinner, it was great except for a couple uncomfortable moments when the other counselors were talking about our campers and speculating on which of our 7-year-olds are gay and with whom and why and how their gender variance predicts their gayness and how their parents are to blame for letting one kid wear his hair long and drink from pink water bottles and be "fruity"... Like I said, just general uncomfortableness. It got better, but what sucks the most is that I didn't say anything. I kept thinking of the best ways to correct them without sounding preachy... They all know I'm gay and they're all "okay with it", without really telling me they're okay with it.

Anyway, they're not perfect, and I had a good time overall.

I got home and I was completely exhausted. I had planned to go out with the crew after dinner with the counselors but I was just too tired, and then the storm started, so I told Dena that I'd come with them another day. So plans were cancelled for that night, which upset Dena more than anyone else. And when we hung up she just kinda hung up on me without saying 'I love you' because she was mad. And I knew she was mad so I just rolled over to go to sleep but I knew I should say 'I love you', not because I wanted to be a "bigger person" or anything like that. I have a reason. My friend Nory told me this story about Ellen DeGeneres and it has stuck with me since I heard it.
The story is here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZLdFr3Ppv4&feature=related .... at 4:25 in the video.

Basically, Ellen was in love with this woman, but they got in a fight. The woman approached Ellen at a bar and asked her if she was coming home with her. Ellen basically ignored her and the woman left. When Ellen left later, she passed an accident scene on the road. She was informed the next morning that the woman had died in that accident.

Dena and I have had too many close calls, I don't want to think about it. So my point is, I texted her 'I love you' and then I went to bed.

To make a long story short, this morning we decided that as much as we want this relationship to work, it's just not. Maybe it will some day in the future, but it's not now. I'm trying really hard to cry as little as possible, to post as few depressing facebook statuses as possible, and to prevent myself from convincing myself and Dena that maybe we should be together now. I have done that too many times. So, I'm trying. But when we're not together, I feel more free to actually choose to be with her and that makes it hard, because I miss her and she's a really huge part of my life, but at the same time, I'm somehow not getting what I want anymore, and I think that's reason enough to leave a relationship. Then again, I don't think I actually know anything about a relationship.

So, let's see, it's taken me like 2 hours to write this post so far. What else had me upset tonight? Dena came out to her family and they didn't take it well at all. I just feel so terrible. She wouldn't be questioning herself so much at this specific time were it not for the fact that she was in a relationship with me for 9 months. And on top of that her family probably hates me. *sigh*.

I had an incredibly boring day today. I woke up early, conversed with Dena, pulled myself together for the birthday party of a 1-year-old girl I babysit. We hung around at their house for a while, but really, what can you do at a 1-year-old's birthday party? Karen Mejia was there though. She's a friend of the family and she's running for City Council. She has a really great platform, a lot of support. She's running against Sal Cracolicci who I don't know much about, but apparently he's friendly with- no, make that -familiar with my father. She's like the Obama of Newburgh though. And she has the cutest daughter ever.

Anyway, I left that and my mom had me bring Kara with me. I literally had nothing to do. I didn't feel like driving all the way to Walmart to return something, I didn't feel like doing laundry, and it was too hot to go home. So I sat in Panera Bread for a few hours with my computer looking at apps for my iPod touch that I ordered! Woo! So that's a plus. Oh yea, so then I ended up going to Walmart because their stuff is just so damn cheap and wonderful... So I did some more school shopping and I came home and I texted my mom to come see my stuff and she said she'd be home soon but then my godmom texted me a few hours later and said my mom had had some wine so she didn't want her driving. Which is cool because she does that sometimes. I mean I assume she had more than some wine if she herself didn't even text me. That, and Mama B had the house to herself tonight. I'm just sad because my mom said she'd be home and now she's not and then Dena went to bed so I'm lonely, even though I felt lonely when I was talking to her because I felt like I couldn't tell her how lonely I was because then I'd lose it and I can't do that; I'm trying to maintain my cool. For once.

Now I'm talking to Catherine. She's an interesting person to talk to because she can somehow get me to tell her everything that's on my mind and more, but then she clams up when I ask her about herself. Well, I'm not letting that happen tonight. I am turning this conversation around. Woo.

I'm really tired. I'm really mentally and emotionally and physically tired. I just want things to be easy. Work is exhausting, but it's easy. I have a schedule, I can handle everything, I know how things are supposed to work and if something goes wrong, I can ask a director and they will tell me how they want the problem solved. As far as life skills go, I'm probably doomed forever to making a career of low-level jobs based on handbooks and time sheets.

I want everything to be easy. I want my relationship with Dena to be easy, and my relationship with my dad, and my relationship with strangers and acquaintances and friends and family to be easy. I want thinking to be easy and I want writing a little blog post to be easy. I want decisions to be easy and I just want life to be easy. I dunno if I'm lazy or pretentious or .... I'm tired.

Hey, I'm live blogging the Oscars this year, for the first time. Enjoy!

8:31. Hugh Jackman is hosting. I've never necessarily been a huge (lol) fan of him. Let us see what he does..

8:34. Wow, he's stepping in a tux. And singing. Interesting opening number. The Oscars would be so boring if the host wasn't funny. He's reenacting all the best pic noms... in song. Entertaining.

8:37. He's doing this crazy dance with people in shiny one piece suits for The Reader because he's "never seen The Reader... no I've never seen The Reader!"

8:38. He just said he frosted his nixon. I like him. I'm wondering if there are commercials.

8:40. Yum, Angelina.

8:41. Montage about the best supporting actresses. Looks like they had trouble opening the curtain. I loved when Jennifer Hudson won that award. In your face, Simon from American Idol. Now a whole bunch of supporting actress winners are onstage, including Whoopie Goldberg and Hilda Swinton....

8:44. You'd think that professional actors wouldn't sound so... scripted when reading these intro speeches.

8:45. Whoopi Goldberg: "It's not easy being a nun." I wish I had seen Doubt... As of now, I want Penelope Cruz to win Best Supporting Actress. She was amaaaazing in Vicki Christina Barcelona. There's a really great nomination pool this year for this category.

8:47. And, the Oscar goes to.... PENELOPE CRUZ!!!

8:48. She thinks she's going to faint. And she's mad emotional, of course. I adore her. She thanks Pedro Almodovar, and she puts a lot of emphasis on strong female roles. Loooove herrrr! In Spanish, she encourages other actors and actresses in Spain, where she's from.

8:50. YES, A COMMERCIAL!

8:51. I'm eating homemade chicken alfredo from my godmom. Yesssss. Dang, that commercial was way too short.

8:53. Pretty funny introduction for Steve Martin and TINA FEY!! They are hilarious together. They're presenting the award for Best Original Screenplay. I've never heard of In Bruge. So far I'm voting for Happy-Go-Lucky, or Milk, of course. The Wall-E screenplay genders the robots, which negates some bloggers' speculations that Wall-E and Eve can be a gender-non-specific and/or gay couple...... MILK WON!!!

8:57. The screenwriter is so emotional, and he called Milk a "life-saving story". And he's openly gay. Love it. This is an amazing speech. [Edit: Here's the transcript.]

8:59. Why is Benjamin Button even nominated for anything? I did not like that movie at all. I wish I had seen Doubt and Frost/Nixon. The Reader was great. Ooo, and Slumdog. I don't think it deserves best adapted screenplay based on that excerpt; it was kinda cheesey.... OH it won!!! Fantastic.

9:02. Um, why did the writer of Slumdog Millionaire thank Dev [Patel, lead actor of Slumdog], and LATIKA, the name of the main female character in Slumdog? Wow.

9:04. Jack Black just made a comment that Pixar always wins best animated feature. haha. Animated montage about the 2008 nominees for Best Animated Feature. I've only seen Horton Hears a Who. I liked it.

9:06. And the Oscar goes to... Wall-E! Oh, Horton wasn't even nominated. I knew that.

9:07. My delicious dinner got cold. Damn you, Oscars.

9:08. Best Animated Short noms.... And the Oscar goes to... a French film no one has ever seen! Congrats.

9:10. So the animator is Japanese... why did he just say "domo arigato Mr Roboto?" The Oscars make me cringe a little bit every year.

9:14. I finished my cold dinner. The commercials are over.

9:15. Best Art Direction (& set design) award presenters are Daniel Craig (Bond, James Bond) and Sarah Jessica Parker, who looks like a foot. Even though not many people pay attention to this kind of thing, I'm glad these people are recognised. Benjamin Button got the Oscar on this one.

9:17. I'd like to point out that my best friend Dena Elizabeth is live blogging at the same time, so after you read mine you should read hers. I wonder what hers is like....

9:18. Yahoo's news headline is about Penelope getting emotional. That was fast.

9:19. One of these art direction winners almost forgot to mention his wife in his speech.

9:20. Costume design. Milk is nominated, even though they really only wore suits and 70s clothes. The Duchess won, because those old period pieces always win best costume design.

9:23. Best makeup... Benjamin Button is nominated. Read this article about the visual fx utilised in that movie. Oh, Button just won. I kinda figured it would.

9:25. The guy from Twilight (he looks like a total creeper) and the chick from Mamma Mia (and Mean Girls?) are presenting a montage about 2008 romance movies. What a surprise, High School Musical 3 is mentioned twice and Milk is mentioned once in a half-second clip with hardly any dialogue... oh, wait, there's a James Franco/Sean Penn kiss. Beautiful. I'm somewhat satisfied.

9:31. Natalie Portman <3 and Ben Stiller rocking this huge creepy beard and sunglasses for some reason.. are presenting the award for best cinematography. Lmao. Natalie to Ben: "This is ridiculous, you're chewing gum at the Oscars."

9:33. Natalie Portman just told Ben Stiller that he looks like he works at a Hasidic meth lab.

9:34. And the Oscar goes to... Slumdog Millionaire!!! I completely agree; I saw that film again this weekend with Leo, Bashiyra, and Kari, and that was one of the things I noticed.

9:35. I think it's interesting that after the protests in India about the title of Slumdog Millionaire, quite a few people have dropped the word slumdog so casually.

9:38. Jessica Biel (I really only know her as the bad ass firefighter on 7th Heaven) is talking about the magic of CGI and other techie stuff.... And now another commercial?

9:41. Trailer for The Soloist, with Robert Downey Jr and Jamie Foxx. Can't wait to see that. The T-Mobile G1 phone looks mad hot.

9:43. James Franco and Seth Rogen laughing at dramatic movies and loving with the stupidest movies, like Love Guru. Fake high people are mad funny. I think I really like James Franco.

9:46. Best Short Film noms. Wish I saw these too. The Oscar goes to a Holocaust movie you've never seen. The director is bald, like the Oscar statuette.

9:52. Mamma Mia sold more tickets than Titanic in the US and the UK? Are you serious? Random fun fact: Titanic took $200,000,000 to produce. I know that number off the top of my head, for some reason.

9:54. Oh, look, there's Beyonce. She is totally lip syncing, I think. She and Hugh Jackman and a huge chorus are performing a montage of songs from movie-musicals with the folks from HSM and Mamma Mia.

9:56. What film in 2008 was Oscar nom'd and had stepping in it? This is the second time they've stepped on the show. And why can Beyonce sing so damn well? Hugh Jackman: "THE MUSICAL IS BACK!" Fool, the musical never left!

10:00. The Oscar people are probably really excited because they can use the Oscar statuette as the "1" in "81st annual Academy Awards."

10:03. Five past best supporting actor winners are presenting the award this year: Christopher Walken (I love him but wtf is going on with his hair?), Cuba Gooding Jr, Alan Arkin, and some other dudes. Josh Brolin is nominated for playing Dan White in Milk.

10:06. Cuba just made a comment about Robert Downing Jr stealing roles from black actors, which is what I thought of before I saw the movie, Tropic Thunder. There was quite a bit of controversy surrounding that movie, which I didn't like anyway.

10:07. I wonder if Heath Ledger will get the posthumous Oscar... Yes, he won it. Here's a story about who will own the Oscar now.

10:10. They're getting more than 45 seconds for the acceptance speech, naturally. Lots of teary eyes in the audience.

10:11. Best Documentary montage, no introduction. The montages are rather uninteresting this year, compared to other years. Man on Wire is nominated. I only saw the beginning, with Dena. I'll probably watch it tomorrow. That blows my mind, what Phillipe Petit did.

10:15. Man on Wire got the Oscar. One of the nominated films was about Hurricane Katrina, the government's response (or lack thereof), and the impact on African Americans in New Orleans. I wonder how many bloggers are going to claim that the Academy is racist for not awarding that film.

10:16. Phillipe Petit just did a magic trick. He is an intriguing character.

10:17. Best Short Doc.... Something about cleft lips won... A film called The Witness from the Balcony looks interesting. Repeat my thought about the Katrina film. Of course, I don't doubt that the Academy and Hollywood in general are racist, but I wonder how many blogs will point that out tonight.

10:21. A note about Man on Wire. From what I saw, it was more than just a documentary. The whole endeavor was artistically reenacted, and Phillipe Petit tell the story in the most beautiful, dramatic way... It definitely deserves that award.

10:23. Action movie montage. They edited the song and video perfectly together.

10:25. Will Smith is so dreamy. He's presenting the Outstanding Visual Effects Award to...

10:27. ... Benjamin Button. I called that one. I didn't like that movie. There was no conflict, it was so annoying. Like, Benjamin grew backwards, right? But it was only an outward growth. He just looked funny, there was no internal conflict. Everyone loved him, he didn't overcome any sort of adversity. And then, it took an hour and a half to get to the love story part. Some of the dialogue was just lame: "Sleep with me." "Absolutely." And when he was chasing her all over the world to get her to fall in love with him, and she just wasn't interested, it was "romantic", but if she had done that to him, she would have been seen as an annoying stalker. That's a sexist double standard, people.

10:28. Outstanding sound editing winner is The Dark Knight.

10:31. Outstanding sound mixing goes to Slumdog Millionaire. I'd like to learn the specific difference between sound mixing and sound editing. Danny Boyle looks like he's about to cry.

10:33. Will Smith is good at reading his intro speeches. He doesn't sound too corny, even know the script is totally corny. Though, I like how the importance of film editing was emphasised as the key to the viewers' emotional responses and perspectives.

10:35. Slumdog got the award for best film editing as well. The main editor is very very bald.

10:41. Eddie Murphy is presenting the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Jerry Lewis, for comedy and for his work with muscular dystrophy awareness. He worked with Mattie Stepanek, an inspiring kid (well, he was actually a little older than I am)/poet who died not too long ago, from muscular dystrophy complications. Mattie Stepanek collaborated with the dreamy young country singer, Billy Gilman, who, I must admit, is not that dreamy now that he grew up.

10:50. This show is so long. Now, a beautiful music montage played live by the orchestra to introduce the award for best score. I definitely adore the Slumdog score, and Milk's was great too. The presenters are Zac Efron (?) and Alicia Keys! <3

10:54. Oh I didn't know Danny Elfman did the score for Milk! Slumdog won, it's so beautiful. I'm going to buy that cd, or get it illegally or something.

10:55. Two AMAZING songs from Slumdog are nominated for best song (O Saya and Jai Ho), as well as a John Legend (yum) song from Wall-E. MIA is co-nominated for O Saya, but she's probably not at the show, seeing as how she just gave birth. I can't say it enough though, she is so amazingly badass for performing on her DUE DATE at the Grammy's.

11:01. Oscar goes to... Slumdog: JAI HO!!!! Watch it here! Look how happy Danny Boyle is.

11:06. The beautiful Frieda Pinto and some other guy present best foreign language film. A Japanese film won.

11:08. They played the music and started the applause and went to commercial before the other producers/directors/actors could give speeches.

11:10. Queen Latifah is singing "I'll Be Seeing You", which was made famous in The Notebook. It's a memorial/honourary thing for old dead producers/actors/directors, etc. Dena just mentioned, "Beyonce couldn't pull that off". Now, I do love me some Beyonce (Dena doesn't), but Queen Latifah's voice is so beautiful. This is nice.

11:18. The four year president of the Academy is stepping down. I wonder if/how the Oscars/winners/noms will change after this year.

11:19. Reese Witherspoon is presenting the award for best director, and explaining the importance of the director... The winner is..... DANNY BOYLE, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. Fabulous.

11:25. Best actress montage. It's obvious that they order the awards in ascending order of "awesome"... so why do the actresses always go first? In other news, I do like this new way of presenting best actor/actress awards: previous winners praise the current nominees. Oh, it's Anne Hathaway's first nod, good for her.

11:30. I want to see Monster Ball, the movie for which Halle Berry won her Oscar.

11:31. Damn, Meryl Streep, 15 nods? Amazing. She can do anything.

11:32. Kate Winslet gets the Best Actress Award for The Reader!!! That was a great film, though I wasn't very comfortable with the ending, from a feminist perspective.

11:33. I'm afraid Kate Winslet is going to pass out, she can't catch her breath. She just went to thank her dad and she couldn't find him, so she said, "Dad, whistle or something", and he did. It was quite cute. Breathe, Kate, breathe. As Dena said, "she's so passionate."

11:36. Time for the best actor montage. Presenters include Anthony Hopkins, Adrien Brody, and Robert DeNiro.

11:39. Robert DeNiro wants to know how Sean Penn got so many roles playing straight men. I hope to god he wins this one. People need to know about Harvey Milk, and Sean Penn can teach them.

11:41. If Brad Pitt wins best actor, I'm turning off the tv. Well, probably not, but I'll be pretty damn pissed. I want to see The Wrestler. It's coming to the Downing on February 27th!

11:42. SEAN PENN SEAN PENN SEAN PENN SEAN PENN SEAN PENN!!!!!!

11:45. His hands are shaking really badly. He thanks the Academy, whom he refers to as Commie, homo-loving sons of guns, the screenwriter (who is crying), and Cleve Jones.

11:46. OH MAN HE'S TALKING ABOUT PROP 8 AND WHY WE NEED.... OH MAN, now I'm going to cry. Oh boy. Naturally, I'm biased, but it touches my heart so incredibly deeply to hear MY issues, and my community, and my rights being talked about passionately and positively on stage at the freakin Oscars.

11:48. That just made my night. Anyway, StevenSpielberg introduced the best picture montage.

11:52. I'm discussing with Dena what a Best Pic win for Milk will mean for the movement. Oh god, it's so emotional.

11:53. The winner is... Slumdog Millionaire... Great, beautiful, magical film... But it's not Milk. They brought all of the child actors on stage too. They're hella cute. Not to be a downer, but there are some rumours about the child actors who live in the slums not being paid as much as the others. Here's the story. As someone on digg put it, "A bit colonial, no?"

I'm sorry to end this live blog on such a negative note. Anyway, this is was a great experience, live blogging the Oscars. I hope you will start discussions, make comments, tell me your opinions.

Have a good night. <3

Woooo Oscars!!!!! My post from last year is here: http://psycopickle.livejournal.com/45900.html

Gosh, I love the Oscars. I missed the first hour of it because I was babysitting, but it's not hard to find online. In this post I'll just write about my favorite parts.

Here are the winners, for those of you too lazy to read my thoughts: http://www.imdb.com/features/rto/2008/oscars

So, Ellen Page (I love her) didn't win Best Actress; the French actor who played Edith Piaf did. She was in some movie I didn't even know was out: La Mome (and the O is supposed to have a little carrot top on it...)
** Oh wait, I've just been informed (by Temmeh) that La Mome is the same as La Vie en Rose, not to be confused with Ma Vie en Rose (which I also love).

Juno didn't get the best director award, and it also witnessed the same fate that Little Miss Sunshine did last year: the "little indie movie that could" gets nominated for best picture and best original screenplay. They both lost the best picture award to something more "Hollywood" and won for best original screenplay. Hell yea.

Diablo Cody (the screenwriter)= ex-stripper/ex-phone-sex operator/GENIUS!

Johnny Depp (Sweeney Todd) lost in the best actor category to Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood), and I heard from Dena that Daniel Day-Lewis is like, AMAZING so it's good that he won. I barely saw any movies this year so I don't know. I've seen Daniel Day-Lewis in The Crucible and he seemed way too dramatic to me. I hated that movie but I could stand it because of Winona Ryder. =)

Ok, so this is the reason I started posting all of this when I did. The Best Original Song winner, "Falling Slowly" from the foreign indie film (17 days, $100,000, 2 HandiCams), Once, was definitely the best part of all of Oscar night. I'm not even kidding. This song is so beautiful, I don't know why and I can't stand it. The movie looks totally cute also.

Here is the movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0907657/

and here is the song: